HeartBrokeness
by x-beth-bubble-x
Summary: Rachel's POV. Quinn left her because she loves someone else. Account of Rachel's emotions.


I read the text, the tears uncontrollable, I knew it was about to happen, I knew, I just never thought it'd be so soon, we fixed everything somehow, we always ended up smiling at the end of it all. Quinn had always known how to make me feel better, I was insecure, she just needed to make me feel better but she was making things worse, she'd just…ripped my heart out…again. Santana's arms were suddenly around me, she never hugged anyone, and then I realised, when reality finally set back in, I was in hysterics. People were looking at me, and Santana was trying to keep me from embarrassing myself some more.

"What's wrong Rachel?" Santana rubbed my back, and passed me a tissue to wipe my running makeup away. Too emotional to respond to her question, I pushed my phone into her hand, shaking, trying to control myself from having a breakdown.

_**Why is this hurting you? She's done this to you time and time again. Will you ever learn? She'll always walk all over you. She knows what makes you hurt and weak, and uses it against you! You knew she'd do this, because you're a pathetic, waste of space. **_

My conscience was beating me; it was tearing me down even more. Santana passed me back my phone, and just held me, trying to make my tears stop. I sat in silence. The pain engulfing me, I didn't know what to do, what to say, I'd just lost the one person I'd given my heart to, the one person I let in, what was I supposed to do, other than cry?

When I got home, my parents were out, and I ran upstairs, throwing myself onto my bed. I didn't cry, I just laid there, numb, shaking. After a few hours of laying there, I heard the key in the door, as I'd locked it behind me. they didn't call me down, they never did, but I went downstairs, and when they saw I'd been crying, they knew instantly what had happened. They dropped their bags and wrapped their arms around me, trying to comfort me, but their comfort made me cry again. I just wanted her, I wanted her to make me feel better, I wanted her to come back, to tell me she loved me, and make it all better. After they'd hugged me and offered to take me out for ice-cream which I declined, I disappeared back upstairs and climbed into the shower. i sat and cried for an hour with the water cascading over me, I was hurting so much.

Days passed, and we fought, and argued, and I found out the truth, she told me she'd used me, I was just easy sex, that I was something to pass the time, and I meant fuck all to her. that hurt the most, and this is when I hit my downward spiral, I began self- harming, I didn't try and hide it, I just need to let the pain out, she told me she loved someone else, and I knew exactly who it was, I knew, I didn't want to believe it, but I knew. It took her only a few hours for her to confirm my worst nightmare. She was in love with Brittany. My heart broke all over again, she hardly knew the girl, me and her had history not her and Brittany, but I knew why she'd fallen for Brittany, she was funny, beautiful, adorable, she was just **perfect, **everything that I wasn't . How could I compare to her? I wasn't surprised; I'd never be that perfect. What made me hurt is the fact that Brittany had a boyfriend, and Brittany was as straight as anybody could be, and that with her having feelings for Brittany, I knew it would be killing her, so it made me hurt to know she was hurting.

School was awkward, I had lessons with both Brittany and Quinn, I could barely look at Brittany, and I exchanged awkward smiles and small, worthless chat with Quinn. She didn't see how much I was hurting, how much it was killing me. The fights between me and Quinn got more violent, and in the end we gave up even trying to be friends, what was the use? She didn't love me, and I had to stop loving her, even if it hurt. I could NOT love her. She loved Brittany. She'd loved Brittany for a long time, she'd lied to me for months, all the kisses, all the sex, all the exchanged 'I love you' were a lie. Every day it broke my heart until I was practically numb.

I tried to move on, there was even a drunken kiss with a guy I'd been friends with for ages, but it meant nothing, yeah I liked him a lot, I always had, but I knew even if we did try, I wouldn't be able to love him, love him like I was supposed to, like I should have loved him. I wouldn't have been able to be with him, after everything me and he had been through, I didn't want him to be my rebound guy.

I still see how much Quinn loves Brittany and how blind Brittany is to that fact, it still hurts to know that we never got what we'd spent those late nights talking about, the wedding, the house, the kids; it hurts to just forget about it all, and pretend that we don't exist to each other. Me and Quinn talk every now and again, more often than not we fight, but I cherish those times when we don't fight, those conversations, even if they are short are the best. I miss her every day, I'll slowly get over her, and my heart will let her go, because she deserves someone who is as amazing and as perfect as Brittany.

_**A/N: this came from my heart, it's an emotional breakdown story. I just had to let it out in the only way I know how to. This is only a one shot, unless you like it. **_


End file.
